Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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