I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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