and she was petting her beer can
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
