i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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