yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
