I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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