Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
