Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
