I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My dick has a subreddit
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
