Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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