hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
