drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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