hotel room ftw
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
