respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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