She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
