Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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