i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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