lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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