So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
