I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
