Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Randomize
