apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
