Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
