how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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