even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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