were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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