his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
