Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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