five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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