I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
