i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just gift wrapped bread.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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