he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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