I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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