I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
