That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
