I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
