I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
