My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
