Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
