so let's talk penis.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
