oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
