Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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