I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
