I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
