How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
