I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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