Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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