I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
