I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
