Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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